you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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