Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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