Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am available for nakedness
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
