I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
