Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize