i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
