he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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