We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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