I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
