this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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