I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
