The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
