So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
