how can u be prego again
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
