what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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