she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
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just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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