Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I understand Curling. That high.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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