Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
