so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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