that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
