I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
