Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
