ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
