please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
