who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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