dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
