I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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