i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
