Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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