I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
