Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
