Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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