And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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