Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
