Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
