the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
