I accidentally had phone sex last night
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
