I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
