she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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