You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
