It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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