just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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