you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
