I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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