I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
