...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
