So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
