I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
