Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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