Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize