My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
