barbara walters just said penis...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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