Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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