so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
