um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
