So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
