that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
