I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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