The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
