I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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