I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
