At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
