you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
