My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
