I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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