Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He has the fingertips of a God
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize