We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
