I haven't been this sober since birth.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My penis needs a shock collar
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
