He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
someone threw a dead crab at me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
