That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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