Already got asked if we're dating
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
