Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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