I'm eating all of the evidence.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
